Now with one project finished and another somewhere on the horizon, I find myself trapped in the limbo that all writers fear. The creative drive is still there through the sludge of self-doubt and worry. But, how do I overcome something that is worse than writer’s block?
Last year, after my second son was born, depression coupled with panic attacks washed over me, dragging me down to murky depths. Each day I struggle to return to the surface. Some days are easier and others not so much.
I don’t know if anyone can relate to this or if they will even want to read this. I guess I’m writing this for myself. To get the words onto the page (sort of) and to make them real. If I write them, my hope becomes possible, attainable of returning to the way I was before: not plagued by grief or pain or the trauma of the weeks in the NICU. Inside, the ugly face of disgust belittles me for not being stronger, for not carrying my burdens alone. It tells me that I’m weak; I’m not as strong as I used to be, and maybe that’s true. Yet, the stupid stubborn side of me squeaks “Don’t give up”.
We each have our own demons, our own stories with us as the hero overcoming a challenge, which threatens our existence. Our dragons come and go with each new struggle and we don’t win every battle. However, maybe we can win the war.
I know other writers have their own self-doubts, so I’ll add to the tiny squeak that urges you forward.
“Don’t give up.”
Even if me saying this doesn’t help my own struggles lessen, maybe it will help yours. I hope your battles are far and few.